Museums allow him to touch whatever he wants. He is the life of parties he has never attended. He's won trophies for his game face alone. His Mom has a tattoo that says "SON". He bowls over-hand. He has disected frogs that are alive, well & happy today. His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw. Dicing onions doesn't make him cry...it only makes him stronger. If he punched you in the face you would have th over-whelming urge to THANK HIM. If you were to see him walking a chihuahua, it would still look masculine. He is left-handed & right-handed. He wouldn't be afraid to show his feminine side, if he had one. If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines. The police often question him, just because they find him interesting. He once punched a magician. That's right. You heard me. His shirts never wrinkle. Sharks have a week dedicated to him. When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top where it belongs...where there is no turning back. Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there. He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it. You can see his charisma from space. The Mayans prophecized his birth. Even lucha libres remove their masks in his presence. He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish. He serves sizzling fajita platters bare-handed. Raging Bulls flat-out refuse to fight him. He once buried a time capsule full of things that haven't happened yet. He has been pronounced dead 7 times...make that 8....... no 9! His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears & they love them. He can't be bought.. -but his beard clippings have been known to show up on auction. He has never lost a sock. If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong. The Aztec calendar has his birthday chiseled in. Most songs about love are written for him, about him, or by him. He'd never initiate a conversation about the weather, even in a typhoon. He's against cruelty to animals, but isn't afraid to issue a stern warning. Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side. If he crossed them, he would still be the right side. He won the same lifetime achievement award -twice. Signs that say "This is not an exit" do not apply to him. If he rides with you in your car, its resale value will instantly increase. If he passed you on the street you would still feel as if he stopped and said hello and asked you about your day. If you were trapped with him in an elevator, you wouldn't want to be saved. The front of his house looks like it was built by the Mayans...because it was. His tacos refuse to fall from the shell. He has never filled up on chips. When it is raining, it's because he's sad. His business card just says, "I'll call you."